Testing Me

    I got up to my alarm clock at 4:30 AM and started getting ready for work.  About midway through my "getting ready" routine, I heard the sound of thunder from outside the house.  I basically did a mental shrug of the shoulders, confident in my driving ability and lacking in fear of storms in general, and went on about my morning.  There have been few times driving in the rain when I have actually questioned my ability to keep going.  I see multiple people on the side of the road waiting for the rain to let up, but I press on in my stubborness and perceived invincibility.  This morning was different.  It began to rain so hard on interstate 565 that I could not see the road in front of me, much less any car that would be brave enough to lead this blind driver.  I actually felt fear for the first time in this situation.  I, of course, calmed myself and restated my firm belief in my driving ability.  Upon reaching my destination, I went about my routine of grabbing my bag and going into my office.  It wasn't until I sat down that the thought, feeling, and utter shock set in: I wasn't paying attention.  I completely ignored everything around me and pressed on so I would make it to work on time.  Would it have made a difference if I would have been a few minutes late? No.  Why did I do this?  Even more worrisome is during the whole experience, I never once asked God for protection or asked Him if I should pull over. 
    I think this is an analogy for our lives in general.  I know it is for my life.  At Epic Church we are doing a 60-60 experiment where we are reminded every 60 minutes, by a watch that beeps, that God is with us.  This is wonderful and definitely has helped me develop a closer relationship with God; however, I think one of my main problems is not only knowing that He is with me, but also that He is in control.  He is in control and I am NOT.  I constantly rely on myself to fix things.  From relationships to finances, I only trust myself with taking care of things.  It is so hard just to let go, follow His voice, and trust that He will provide what He wants me to have.  I didn't stop in the rain or even try to assess the situation because I was trusting myself like I have so many times before and like I do every single day. 
    Now I give this example and point this out not to give some magnificent fix or tool to remedy this issue, but to point it out in my life so that I can see it and openly express it.  I need to trust Him with EVERYTHING.  Not just with blessing my food, not just with leading my study of His word, not just with major decisions He has put in front of me, but EVERYTHING.  How do I plan to do this?  Give up.  I know that sounds strange and in complete contrast to what one might exect, but it is the only way.  I will give everything up to Him.  I will give up trying to control my life.  I will give up trying to trust myself to fix things.  I will give everything to Him so that, WITH Him, my life will be controlled.  I will give everything to Him so that, WITH Him, His will is the focus instead of my own.